It’s been a while, a month since the last time I write on blog. Not going to promise anything, because I can’t keep any of them. Well, today I went out to a beach club with Shinta to clear this heavy mind of mine. Went to a place where everything is blue, Azul. And I start daydreaming…
For about months I am in a very depressive state, sad and every good feelings vanished. I lost my self-assurance, lost my vision, confused, blurred, fallen. I feel like I am not me those days and I really hate those gloomy days back there. Broke. I was broken down into pieces. And it was like ugh.
I never felt so down until last month. It was in the middle of November, last year, when I felt this “wrong” kind of feeling. I lost my confidence, I started to doubt myself, I was worried about my relationship, I started to think that something bad is going to happen. And girl’s instinct are really something. Beside, my work was not so good back there and it mixed thing up tearing me down even harder. I felt worthless. I felt unwanted. I felt like I was betrayed. And my heart ached so hard. I want to believe, but what I see is the opposite. And I never thought that someone you love the most can hurt your heart this much. And my stupid head keep persuading me. And I am drown into that damaging assumption. It was you who broke my heart. But it was my thought that ripped me down even worse. And I don’t want to look back and stuck within the blues for years. Everything is going to be alright. Maybe not today, but eventually.
I am so thankful for my dearest readers, thank you for reading this blog eventhough last month I post none, yeah nothing at all. February was super busy with all the final exams. And my dear March, please give me the good news I am waiting for, please. xx