To have space doesn't always mean you are lonely nor empty. Being alone doesn't always mean you are sad nor heart-...

To have space doesn't always mean you are lonely nor empty. Being alone doesn't always mean you are sad nor heart-broken. My loneliness has it's own name and it is familiar and recognizable. And it becomes something that I don't want to change. I don't feel the need to look for substitute. I don't feel the need for someone to fill the void. I don't make other person responsible for my happiness and blame them for the possible unhappiness. My desires in relationship have changed over time too. I no longer want someone who promises to always love me and never leave me. I need someone who understand that life happens and sometimes things don't work out. I don't want someone who sugar coats things. I need someone to tell me how it really is and put me in my place.
Tender is the night
For a broken heart
Who will dry your eyes
When it falls apart
What makes this fragile world go 'round?
Were you ever lost?
Was she ever found?
Somewhere in these eyes
Fall back into place
I planned to post this on 14th of February, but I am 4 days late. That day they called the day of love, I never see as a special day to celebrate. It's not like I never did anything special or crazy. There was never a grandeur plan. I can't even remember one significant thing that happened on that day. So the questions remains, why is that enough for me?
Because I don't expect a special gesture just because the calendar suggests it?
Because I know the best case scenario is the one we've made up in our heads?
Because I am such a cold-hearten person who is not into celebration?
Because I'm a cliche romantic after all?
All of the above?
All I know is that this will be my first year in a long time that I won't be in love. How freeing it is to not have the pressure of looming over the affairs of your heart. But if I was at the point before where I felt it was at the upmost importance that I be alone. Well then maybe I'm at the point now where I'm ready to say welcome again…
To trust love always one more time.
Or maybe I need 6 more months? I'm always allowed to change my mind.
Photos by: Arya Predana
Currently Listening to: Space Song by Beach House
Currently reading: Learning to Play God by Robert Marion

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