DEAR, MENJANGAN

That day, I received a phone call from my friend. "Hey, Dias, what's up?" he asked me. I was a little bit sorry to ask ...


That day, I received a phone call from my friend. "Hey, Dias, what's up?" he asked me. I was a little bit sorry to ask for a call when we have these 12 hours' time zone difference. It was 3 a.m in the morning there.
"I am sorry to disturb you, I am just lost," I answered.
So here was I, spending a day trip to Menjangan just before I made that phone call with my friend. I guess it was a good time to sort things in my mind. It was indeed what I needed after months. I was in the middle of an existence crisis. They said, the angst I felt now is exactly what people are supposed to be doing in order to grow. When we are growing older, we are not immune to fear anymore. And here in the island, with its trees and seas, I got lost again in my world of wonder. While enjoying the scenery of the green and blue here in the island, with a book, my thoughts walked into an idea. The idea of my life which I am still trying to figure out yet.



10 Signs you might have the quarter life crisis:
  1. You glare at your dog in the morning as you get ready to get your shit done and wished you were your dog instead.
  2. When Bon Iver or John Mayer's song comes up and you start feeling emotional by yourself or around your friends in your car, in the middle of the coffee shop or anywhere.
  3. Visualising yourself succeed in your career, being happily married, which was the best daydream scene when you was 5, but then now you start wanting to throw up a little.
  4. Your monthly routine of expenses being greater than your income and is dawning on you as a serious problem.
  5. When you cook your own meal or washing your own clothes after a long and tired day after work then your mom pops up in your head. You wonder how your mom handled herself being an adult all this time.
  6. You feel the need to escape somehow. But can't find to escape from what and where to escape to. Wait, you realize you are broke, you have no money to go anywhere to escape.
  7. When you start to ask about life. Everyday.
  8. But you have no idea where to go for answers. Or even, you don't know how to find the right questions?
  9. You start googling about how to get rid of this quarter life crisis.
  10. But then you are 99.8% sure to just let your life flow and be sure that the road trip would fix everything.
...
What would I do after I finish my internship program? Should I continue my education? Or find a job? Or maybe join a circus and travel the world? Let me go straight to the point: yes, I had found myself in a quarter life crisis, or as the muse puts it, "a period of the intense soul-searching and stress occurring in your mid-20s to early 30s." I bet not only me, maybe one of you who read this post also are in your own quarter life crisis, too. This kind of feeling is typically because you feel you are not achieving your full potential or are falling behind. I have heard about this quarter life crisis term before and thought it was just a thing people use as an overstatement. But then this crisis hits me right on the face. Quarter life crisis is real. Moreover when I add some spice of comparing my life with other people around my age, it successfully fucked me up even more. While I see friends already have their figured-out-life, well they have their careers, some chasing their master degrees, pursuing their dreams, some already got married and have kids, some already have their own business and now are expanding their business, and I am here stuck in the midst of my mind, confused - with no career, no financial stability, no clue about my love life. Not even half-figured.
We were still talking on the phone. "It's okay to be bingung, Yas," he said. And his words were probably the words I need the most right now.
"Jalani aja yang kamu rasa benar dan buat kamu bahagia. Semua orang punya jalannya yang beda-beda, nanti pasti kelihatan jalanmu dan akan datang waktu yang pas buat kamu. Kita itu masih muda banget sebenarnya."

Feelings are just visitors,
let them come and go.
When it arrives,
welcome it with open arms
And when it leaves,
let it go
and
listen
to the quiet
whisper
thank
you
for
stopping
by.

Anyway, let me talk about this beautiful small island since it is the title of the post. Menjangan island is located in West Bali (Bali Barat). Menjangan means 'deer' in Indonesian. Yes, they are the star of the island. I bet they are very shy since I scared them off when I came near to say hello (you can see it in one of the picture). I went snorkeling, too. I really love this kind of outdoor water activity. They have a very beautiful underwater reef structure and colorful fishes. And I would like to say thank you, Dear, Menjangan. For welcoming me with such a warmth and for being so kind that day. I know I shouldn't think too much and let my life come as it is. Like what my friend said to me, in life everyone has their own path. And we would be confused on our way because we want to make sure we are walking for the right way. This kind of life crisis is probably like a checkpoint. Do you live the life you wanted for those fucking years? Who do you exactly want to be in the future? What job do you want to do? Would you settle and find the one you want to marry, have your own family and raise children? How would your life be in 5 or 10 years for now? Are you going to live the life you wanted to live? I can't find the answers to those questions that are raising in my head regarding to the quarter life crisis that I am facing right now. There is only one way to have the answers I guess. Not finding them anywhere since the answer is nowhere, but probably we should make the answer itself. Whatever pasts we are holding to right now, we are still young after all. And we still got years to go more than 20 years ahead. So, one certain thing to do now is to make the answers. Live and make your own answer.
❤️
xx

Photos by: Suwita Sari
Location: Menjangan Island, West Bali
Currently reading: Eleven Minutes - Paulo Coelho

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4 comment(s)

  1. I'm not in that phase yet but for sure, one day I'll experience the quarter life crisis. Also, I love the poem there! :)


    Please check out my latest post, too? I'd love to hear something from you! :)
    www.cielofernando.com
    FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM

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  2. hello Cielo, thank you for your kind words. I hope your quarter life crisis won't be so harsh on you if you have them! And thank you for reading my random poems.

    I have checked your blog too and leave some sugary trace! see you ❤️

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  3. I thought about those things over and over again, I constantly think about my future after all these things happened. And then popped up, can I be the one that I really want to be?
    Hopefully, you can find out ways to reach many things on your mind, wisely.

    💛💛💛
    Mallieams.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hello again, Malissa. nice to see you. you got your own self crisis too? hopefully everything turn out to be great for you too ♥️

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